Reflections, Banter and the Honest Truth

 It is over 3 years since my husband has been gone. Every Christmas since then, I have gone to Bangalore to spend the holiday with my siblings and friends. I think the company kept me distracted. I have fun with them and do things that are not really associated with memories that Gerard and I have made together. This year was so different though. I had to stay in Coimbatore and so decided to go for the Christmas dance, with our daughters. It was a really difficult day as I had so many memories of the times we had gone for the dance at the same venue. What made it worse was me just sitting and watching, knowing that I will never have the happiness and fun of dancing with my partner ever again. It really was a Blue Christmas!

19 years ago today was like the start of something new for Gerard and me. And I am sad that he is not here with me, I am equally happy that I got those 19 years with him, because I did have a beautiful time.   Whenever this song by Merle Haggard (a singer whose music he enjoyed) comes up on my playlist, i can only think of Gerard.  The song below by Merle Haggard is I Had a Beautiful Time We met downtown in the barroom Both of us needing a friend And you brought me home to your doorstep And it was there you invited me in We spent the wee hours dancing To your favorite home stereo sounds We talked about what we been needin' Discussin' our ups and our downs And I've had a beautiful time Holding your heart next to mine I poured out my feelings while you poured the wine And I've had a beautiful time If I seem a wee bit uneasy You really sized me up right There's somebody home still up waiting She probably been waiting up all night And I can't say I found any answers